But I do enjoy thinking back on how I’ve had these spirals before over and over, and it’s gotten me banned from instances out here, how the hackers.town admin has not only completely dodged taking responsibility for his actions, but has never acknowledged it, or apologized for nuking 4 years of my internet life in an instant

I don’t even know if people apologizing for bullshit would fix anything at this point, but there are so many people who owe me an apology

I think sitting alone in a room for 5 years really fucked me up a lot

I’m going to give myself a headache if I don’t stop spiraling

It doesn’t get better, because even though I left isolation behind, I’m still locked there, inside of my own head, and I’m completely cut off from myself

It doesn’t exist!

It’s been 6 years since I left “isolation” and put my transition on pause, but I keep referencing back to it. How I lost my job, originally at Walmart, to mass harassment and discrimination. I started a store in Second Life and I said, “Maybe I can be like these other people, and have a career in 3D content creation!” and it didn’t pan out. Then I thought, “Maybe I can make a music career,” and then transphobic synthwave dudes killed it, and it never panned out. And then I thought, “Maybe I can make a career out of writing” and you guessed it, that hasn’t panned out

So I’m using fucking AI to game algorithms, what

Because I can’t figure out the magic words that make people give a shit

getting older is just an existential crisis string with no end

It’s obviously not in relation to every streamer and youtuber, but I find it weird how we as a society just accept that people can go on youtube or twitch and make hundreds of thousands of dollars in a month on a regular basis and hardly anyone questions that

Not a lot of people go, “that’s kinda fucked up” or “what are they doing that’s worth 100,000+ in a month?”

trying to watch some video on ReportoftheWeek/Reviewbrah by this Youtuber named “Just Jargon” but he’s using some kind of cut/paste “avatar” in the video with the most annoying animations I’ve ever seen in my life and I just can’t sit through it

I’ve met a few new people in Second Life lately, and then because I get distracted by like a million things at once, all the time, a lot of them have tended to just stop talking to me because of that lol

This is why I can’t maintain relationships