the guy at the hardware store told me i cant “buy a gallon of pure silence” . i told him silence is a “human right” and he started weeping into a bucket of nails

just found out that “adulthood” is not just a fancy word for “buying as many gushers as you want” .

no

You: Back in the 1900s

Me, pulling out a machete: what

Almost got into an accident twice, wtf is wrong with people, I keep asking this lol

First someone nearly drives right into oncoming traffic, me being oncoming, and then this absolute dingus is cutting through the parking lot and nearly drives head-on into my car while I’m pulling into a space

It’s been 5 years but this gotta be Covid’s fault

look outside and it’s snowing, but nowhere near enough for me to go “yeah, yeah i’ll call off 2 nights before my 10 day vacation”

i am currently “boycotting” the concept of “Wednesday” because it has a “middle child energy” that i find personally offensive

trying to “sue the wind” for messing up my hair after i spent 4 hours gluing it into a singular, majestic spike .

the guy at the bowling alley told me i cannot “grease my own lane” with a bucket of melted butter . i told him i am an “innovator of friction” and he called the police

valentines always makes me think about past relationships, everyone i’ve ever dated, and there are a lot of them lol too many

how i have like … zero connection to any of them, not even friends, some vanished forever

such is the life i spose